1. Optom: “Do you find these dots to be clearer and rounder with view 1 here… or with view 2?”
3. Optom: “And do you find it sharper with view 3 or-”
Optom: “Hang on, I haven’t shown you view 4 yet. Please wait for both views before deciding which is clearer. So is it sharper here with view 3 or-”
4. Px: “My eyes are really dry and sore all the time.”
Optom: “Okay, I noticed you mentioned this same thing when I saw you last year. Have you been doing the eye drops and lid therapy like we discussed? I printed you a handout with all the instructions.”
I HAVE THE PERFECT SOLUTION. GO AWAY AND DON’T COME BACK TIL YOU DO WHAT I TOLD YOU THE FIRST TIME.
5. Optom: “We’re going to read some letters on the chart now. I’ll cover your left eye for you first.”
Patient also closes right eye. “I can’t see anything.”
True story. Unfortunately on more than one occasion.
6. Optom: “How can I help you today?”
Px: “My eyes are bad. I can’t see without my glasses.”
Optom: “What about when you do have your glasses on?”
Px: “Oh. Well, then it’s perfect.”
7. Optom: “After doing this test I’ve noticed the drainage structure in your eyes are a bit narrow. Now, you don’t have glaucoma but this can put you at risk of it as you get older. I would recommend you see an eye specialist for preventative treatment to minimise this risk.”
Px: “Omg, I have glaucoma?!”
Optom: “No, you do not have glaucoma-”
Px: “So then why are you sending me to an eye specialist?”
Optom: “Because you are at risk of glaucoma in the future with these narrow drainage structures so we want to preventatively treat it now with a quick laser procedure so that you do not get glaucoma.”
Px: “So I have glaucoma?”
Px: “Then why am I having an eye laser if I don’t have glaucoma?”
No words. I have actually run out of words.